An unexpected end

I have sent the news to my prayer and financial supporters, so I think it's safe to make it public now, giving a few more details for those who may be interested.

Last spring as we were preparing for our trip to Zambia, I had to update some paperwork for SIM. As I did, I found there was one point that I could not affirm as I used to. Though I was hopeful that a promise not to make it an issue would be sufficient, and the personnel director took months to pray about the matter, it was finally concluded that I no longer meet the qualifications for an SIM missionary.

When the possibility that this could happen was brought up in the TEN3 meeting, Anthony told the others that "Satan's trying to get JennyBeth off the team." But I told him later, I don't see how this could be the devil's work, because no one was doing anything wrong. If I had given into a sin, or if I was being dismissed out of jealousy or some other such motivation, that would make sense. But it wasn't wrong for me to pursue the questions I did and conclude the matter was not as certain as I once thought. Nor was it wrong for the personnel director to uphold the standard that was prayed and deliberated over long before I joined SIM.

I wondered if I would be depressed leaving. I did cry. I can't leave something I've loved for ten years that easily. But the comfort that I did the right thing combined with another bit of encouragement, that maybe our leaders in Nigeria, Zambia, and Tanzania are ready to take the ministry forward without me. I'm not leaving behind the material-producing powerhouse we envisioned ten years ago, but maybe I am leaving enough seeds for the Africans to do what they must.

What next? We are looking and wondering. I had already dropped down to part-time status with SIM, and my support level made it barely above minimum wage--but it's still income we can't afford to lose, so we have to find something else. If I find part-time work that I can do from home, then I suppose we will continue much as we have been, with probably more income and I'll mostly be out of TEN3. If I find full-time work that would support the whole family, Kenneth is amenable to becoming the stay-at-home parent. Though that will still have its difficulties while Luke is nursing, Kenneth is already entertaining ideas of growing a garden and getting food animals again to teach/entertain the boys. But we are also looking for better-paying jobs for him. If he could find one, then I could continue on with TEN3 as a volunteer. Or perhaps I'll find a contract position, working full time from home for a few months and giving him time to get a CISCO certification. We've even wondered if this will somehow open up an opportunity for him to go to seminary like he's always wanted.

The search in the midst of trying to finish things with the mission, and going through the "what-ifs," is sometimes exciting but also getting tiring. My prayer is simply for enough money to do all that God wants us to do, and enough time to devote to our kids, house, and whatever else we should be doing.