Sunday, December 22, 2019

Thanking God for a defect

I'm thanking God this week that I have one leg shorter than the other.

It all started with a nocturnal hip ache after I had Nathanael. Sleeping with a pillow between my legs fixed it, but immediately after giving birth to Luke, it came back, worse. It wasn't bad pain; more annoying. I supposed birth had pushed my hips a bit out of alignment, and so it crossed my mind that was probably something a chiropractor could fix. It took several weeks for me to talk myself into going; I halfway thought the mild ache wasn't enough to justify the expense, but the fact that I personally know a chiropractor (one of my husband's former Bible students) and the thought that it may become less fixable with time pushed me to make an appointment. I came just complaining of the hip ache, but he of course also asked me about various other areas. He asked if I have tension in my back, and I said, "Sure, I get stress-related knots." He asked if I ever get pain in my mid-back, and I happened to think then that yes, it does hurt when I wear the baby in a sling. I remembered that it got to where it hurt when Nathanael was 10 months old or so, and was surprised it started hurting when Luke was just 6 weeks old, though I just assumed it must be that I wasn't doing the sling quite correctly.

With the exam and X-rays, he found that the hip ache is due to my left leg being 11mm shorter than my right. It puts my hips out of alignment, and so has actually been wearing on them most of my life. Giving birth was just the first thing to aggravate it enough for me to notice. "Most people who have this and don't get it corrected eventually need a hip replacement," he told me.

But then he showed me the X rays of my back, and I was stunned. The tension and ache that I had thought was totally normal was a sign of vertebral subluxation complex all through my spine--my lower and mid back have lateral curvature, and my neck has lost its normal curve. This was almost certainly caused by years of heavy laptop use, and especially the setup I'd improvised to nurse and work at the same time, sitting in a recliner and reaching over to my laptop at an angle. He showed me on the charts how this complex leads to premature arthritis, bulging disks, vertebrae fusing together, and all kinds of nasty stuff. My mid-back has already developed two small bone spurs, but the doctor assured me that the rest of the problem is still completely correctable. So the next few months will be marked by new ergonomic furniture and many trips to Lubbock. He also warned me that as we began treatment, I would feel worse before I feel better, and that had certainly been the case. It's still not too bad, but the added discomfort reinforces the shock realizing just how much trouble I was headed for.

It's struck me that, if it were not for my legs being different lengths, leading to the hip pain, I would have ignored the back tension until it progressed to real pain, and by then I would have had permanent damage.

If you compare my first couple of years writing this blog with this past year, you probably notice a change in attitude. The enthusiasm and big dreams have been almost jaded as I think back at how many failures we've had. I don't write much about the disappointments, because I'd rather share the things we rejoice and hope for, but, with news that the app we hoped would fund the ministry has been out-competed before we got our first customer and that schools are too worried about getting computers to stay in business to hear about new curriculum and certification, I really began to wonder, "Is this it? Are we never going to get the results we've prayed for? Did we make too many mistakes, so many that the enemy won this battle? Is it time to look for something else?" Then this issue at the chiropractor's told me that God knew the mistakes that I would make in how I would position my body, and gave me that leg discrepancy to give me a warning to correct it before it was too late. If He did that, then how can I not believe that He knew all the mistakes TEN3 and our partners would make, and made provision for those too?

Anthony's latest conversation with me about the future of TEN3 curriculum was likewise encouraging. Since Kenneth and I plan to homeschool using the classical model, pulling in other elements we have come to see as important, Anthony asked, "Can I just adapt what you do and get schools started with it?" Well, I think that may be more difficult than he is bargaining for, but it probably can be done. We are still running our programs in Nigeria, Zambia, and Tanzania, but I couldn't see what more steps we could take to get educators discipled strongly enough to take it "to the third generation" as we've always envisioned.

So maybe all the trial and error along the way was God geting us to this point, where I am advancing the most important sector of transformational education--children's level--by doing just a little more than I would be doing anyway in educating my own children. Keep praying for us.

Friday, October 11, 2019

Baby! Is a baby!

That's what Nathanael was exclaiming when he saw his little brother for the first time:

His name is Luke Athanasius. I love the name "Luke" because it means "giver of light," and I want my child to behold and reflect brightly the Light of the World. I also like the character Luke in the Bible--I like his skill and thoroughness in writing the gospel and Acts, and how dedicated he was in helping Paul--he traveled with him as a prisoner, enduring a shipwreck and so much more for the love of our King. It's very clear from his writing and his actions that he had a passion for God's glory among the nations. Those are qualities I pray for my son. Kenneth chose Athanasius for the saint whose life you can read here.

I have a lot to thank God for. I'm thankful that the birth went well. I'm actually thankful the doctor accidentally broke my water at my 38-week prenatal appointment, because the little guy was already 7 lb, 12 oz. I'm thankful that I didn't need Pitocin this time, so I could actually relax between contractions. I'm thankful to be on Samaritan Ministries now, which allowed me to have a hospital birth much more affordably than insurance did. I'm thankful for my parents and sister who kept Nathanael for us, for the couple from my church who came by to take care of our dogs while I was in labor, and for those who have helped us with diapers and other little items we can still use this time around. I'm thankful that, despite us all getting colds right after we left the hospital, little Luke hasn't suffered more than a stuffy nose. I'm thankful for how Nathanael has taken to Luke, and in general that he has such a wonderful family to be born into.

I am thankful for the time Kenneth was able to take off work, though now that it's almost time for him to go back, it sure doesn't seem long enough! Please pray for us as I begin adjusting to a "normal schedule" now with a baby added to toddler care, two jobs, and house management. I'm not sure if I'll need extra self-discipline or extra laxity to manage all these demands. Pray for the right grace I'll need to do what God has for me each day.

Wednesday, September 4, 2019

Ten years for what?

Ten years. This month marks ten years that I have worked with TEN3. It's difficult to believe I've now dedicated about a third of my life so far to it.

I was more than prepared to. All I wanted to do with my early adulthood was missions, and/or raise a family. Any other option, whether grad school or a career, just seemed a waste – why spend time pouring into myself when I had a great education, great health, no debt, nothing to hold me back from investing full time in the Kingdom? And I loved TEN3's vision from the moment I discovered it. There was nothing better I could imagine doing with my skills than helping Africans grow in knowledge that meets their needs and leads them to build their whole lives on Christ.

I still love that vision and all its potential. It's a bittersweet feeling looking back, though, at all the work we've done over the last ten years. Many of the opportunities we were most excited about fizzled to nothing. We were praying ten years ago for 350 schools running the CTO, and I think today we only have two currently running the full program. A couple more do portions of it. My main job those first few years was working toward a full university degree using the principles that God had revealed work so well for disciple making and excellent education in Africa to build on the CTO, and that has completely fizzled out.

So compared to what we wanted to do, our ministry has floundered horribly. Yet, when you look at how mission projects to go, the degree of results some mission teams may get from ten years of work, we do have quite a lot to show. Thousands of families have been impacted by our Families and Media ministry, with tears of repentance and opened eyes to the spiritual warfare going on in their midst. Hundreds of students have taken our Bible curriculum and gained a fuller understanding of God's work in the world throughout history and what it means to their lives. Students have been blessed with various adaptations of our CTO material to different situations, and those who have taken the program said they've never had anything so helpful. Pastors have given positive feedback that our seminars have helped them learn to use technology wisely in their ministry and engage more effectively with their youth as they guide them to use discernment. And our national directors still see much more potential for what TEN3 can do in their communities.

The difference between those results and what we are about, though, is in our tagline, "Discipling to the third generation," that is, having people understand the discipleship material and process well enough to teach others and expand the ministry and make it their own. It is in making the ministry outlive us. That is really going to come down to training. Please join me in praying especially for Ray as he begins walking four young people, Aloyce, Joeley, Christpin, and Samuel through our online training. Pray that they, and those Collins is working on training, will really understand the material, catch the vision, and be the second generation that will disciple the third. Maybe we won't get the 350 CTO schools we envisioned. Maybe we won't get the tertiary degree with the curriculum we planned. But if we get people who know God's story of redemption and what their place is in it, who practice spiritual discipline out of love for the Lord and not a checklist, who can comprehend what they read and discern good information from the less-helpful, and who have a passion to bring that to others, then I will be at peace that we have done what the Lord asked of us.

Monday, July 8, 2019

What did we talk about in Zambia?

So what actually happened in TEN3 during our conference in Zambia? First, of course, we prayed and worshiped together each day. There also was just the joy of being together, and the affirmation of our love for one another and our work together. Our four countries each reported the state of our ministry. The US side of TEN3 is going to have to be mostly on auto-pilot for the coming year, with Ken retiring, Jim and Karen slowing down to focus on health problems, and me having a baby.

Nigeria is advancing on many fronts, with the Families and Media ministry still reaching thousands of women and, as we had hoped, creating interest in the CTO. They are also continuing workshops for secondary school students on break, technology training for underprivileged groups, and now an outreach in the prisons. Our Nigeria director has also been invited to a curriculum conference for an association of Christian schools throughout Nigeria, which yields rather exciting possibilities for shaping the education across the country.

Tanzania is in something of a reset mode. There was a center running in Bunda last year, but Tukiko admitted that he had other priorities in his church that kept him from supervising it as closely as it needed. Then the location was no longer available and the teacher wanted to move on. However, his church was impressed enough with the program that they decided to construct a new center, with more resources and attention devoted to it. They are finishing that up. Ray went on to visit Bunda after our conference and got to meet the new young man who will be the teacher, and so we have him set up on our training site. Ken likewise got to visit Miriam, who is working toward opening a new CTO center in another city in Tanzania, encouraging her and her staff and leaving then with eight computers to get started.

Collins is still just getting started with the ministry. Thanks to partnership with another gracious ministry, we were able to ship him eighty-four laptops earlier this year, and he is starting in five locations with those, some doing the CTO for adults and some doing "Learning with Computers for Primary Students." I got to meet Charis and Zangi, the two girls helping edit the reading books.

We also discussed the next needed steps and perceived obstacles. The biggest obstacle is our standards/certification process. Christie told us that they cannot get people or institutions to pursue the certifications we offer because the requirements are seen as rigorous for little immediate benefit. On our side, I pointed out that we have not done a good job of recognizing and keeping track of those steps that are taken toward certification (mainly because we don't really have anyone assigned to do it). Her idea is to use equipment as an incentive for certification. Our three national directors together also discussed that they would like to begin evolving the programs somewhat on their own, starting with an upgrade of our "Pastors and Technology" seminar that could be used in seminaries. What Anthony picked up from those things is that the standards and certification process needs to grow organically as our national directors respond to the needs and desires in their contexts.

In a way, we are seeing exactly what this ministry was geared to do--the US side diminish while the Africans advance. We will still be their secretaries, writing down what they find and accomplish to share and formalize. And we will still look to raise equipment for them to use. Please pray for us as we continue to navigate these changes and seek to follow the Lord's direction. May the gospel go forward greatly as our ministry takes advantage of each of these opportunities to make disciples.

Sunday, June 23, 2019

My little world traveler

Well, we are back, and already in a whilrwind as my husband had to go back to work soon after we returned (actually he was supposed to return the very night we returned, but our flights were rescheduled and then his boss took pity and let him take one extra day), and I was asked to teach VBS this week! I'll do posts about the outcome of the trip, of course, but first, I just want to brag about this little guy:

I was quite nervous about taking a toddler on such a long trip, especially that involved several plane changes. I had heard stories of little kids screaming unstoppably after more flights than they cared to take, and mine is certainly as energetic and emotional as any. I would have been even more hesitant if I had realized that our trip to Livingstone would add an extra 18 hours of van/bus travel in the middle of it! But Nathanael handled it all like he was born to travel. Each airport was interesting to him, each takeoff and landing fun to watch. He got to where every time he saw a picture of an airplane, or saw a plane out the window, he would point and exclaim "A-dah!" ("airplane"). He even seemed to enjoy the bus. He loved Victoria Falls, and was constantly pointing and exclaiming "Wa-dee!" ("water"). We were also treated to a boat ride on the river, which he also loved. I'm not sure if he noticed the hippos or crocodile, but he did at least notice the Egyptian geese taking off from the water.

He also made friends at the airports:

I really wish I could have gotten a picture of the little girl about 8 months younger than him when they gave each other a hug! But I didn't have the camera out at the time.

Everyone was amazed at how well he took the whole trip. The 12 days we were traveling, he only had one total meltdown, and that was a situation that was straining the adults to the limit! He didn't sleep as much as he needed on the flight from Amsterdam to Toronto. We then had a four-hour layover in Toronto, but that was a busy one because our next flight was on a separate ticket, which meant we had to go through customs (which was a very slow line), claim our bags, change terminals, get our new boarding passes, re-check our bags, go through security, and get to our gate. We then got on the plane, sat for two hours, and then de-planed because a communication device was failing a test and they couldn't get a new one. THEN the line to get rebooked moved as slow as molasses in winter. I stood in line for two and a half hours while Kenneth struggled to stay awake and watch Nathanael. Everyone was getting quite frustrated, but Kenneth heard some people remark that if that little boy could keep a good attitude, they could too. We finally got our new tickets for the next day and some hotel and food vouchers. Then we had to re-claim our bags and catch the hotel shuttle. Nathanael started to fall asleep on the baggage cart, and when I picked him up, that's when he finally lost it. At that point, who could blame him?

Then on the plane the next day, he was once again happy as could be:

Before he konked out, that is:

But of course no matter how much someone loves traveling, there's always something special about coming home:

Saturday, April 13, 2019

Travel plans coming together

International travel is always interesting; there's always sure to be something seem to go wrong and get you all nervous for a while! As our plans solidified for a face-to-face prayer meeting in Zambia this June with all our missionaries and national directors,and Rob our chaplain, to seek the Lord's direction for our ministry, this was already looking to be a different experience for me. First was the question, what to do about Nathanael? Leave him with his daddy? Take him with me? Take them both with me? Which would be worse, to take a toddler on probably 40 hours of flights, or leave him 12 days without his mama? If we took him, should we lap him or get him his own seat? We prayed about it, thought it over, and looked at what money was already available. Anthony told us there was enough ministry funds already to purchase the international tickets for the three of us, and with that, we decided that the three of us will go, so that the family could enjoy Kenneth's vacation time together, Kenneth can participate in the prayers and blessing of what God will do, and Nathanael wouldn't have to be without me. There was even enough to get Nathanael his own seat, which I was quite grateful for--while he'll still be under two years old, he is already as big, hungry, and squirmy as most two-year-olds.

Next, the itinerary was looking to be a pain. I've always had to book two separate tickets for my trips, because the travel agent cannot book me out of Lubbock. So I have to order a domestic flight to Dallas or Houston, usually picking up my bags and re-checking them to get to my international flight. But this itinerary was looking even more complicated because the route from Dallas to Lusaka involved an overnight in Dubai. Kenneth had heard some scary stories about tourists getting arrested in Dubai for the tiniest things, and even Pam, the travel agent, seemed pretty hesitant about the idea. She was working on itineraries for the whole team, giving us tentative ones with 48 hours to decide to book. Anthony wondered if we could get a domestic flight to JFK airport and join him and Nancy on their flight. (They live in western New York, about an hour from Buffalo.) We checked, but that would require an overnight in NYC, which would be extremely expensive, no doubt. Then he got an idea, "What about Toronto?" His daughter and her family live near Toronto, and that would be a fairly easy drive for them. "We could all crash at her place and fly out together from there," he suggested. Pam checked, and that was actually a couple hundred cheaper per ticket than what she had originally booked us.

So, we are flying to Canada first, staying the night, then to Amsterdam, then to Nairobi, then Lusaka. That means a twelve day trip: three days of travel, six days in Zambia, and then another three days of travel. It'll probably be rather grueling, but at least we'd get a rest in Toronto, I figured.

As soon as that was decided on, I looked up what we would need for the little guy's passport. Certified copy of his birth certificate. Ok, so I ordered that, and waited and waited. Turns out, Texas is incredibly slow with records requests. I ordered it on Feb. 13, and it finally came in on April 9th. So I hurriedly filled out and printed the online application, and we got the photo printed and the passport applied for this morning. They say it doesn't take longer than 6 weeks, so here's hoping, because after that we will still need to apply for the visas!

I was putting off buying the flights to Toronto until I had some more money raised, and then was rather dismayed when the Boeing 737 story broke. Sure enough ticket prices went up, though then when I saw I had been given several gifts, the prices were't nearly as bad as I feared. But, then there was another problem--it seemed all the flights either left at 6am, or arrived at 11pm. Leaving at 6am would mean we would have to leave the house by 4:30am, which would mean Kenneth would have to take an additional day off work, and his boss had already really stretched things to accommodate our trip. But arriving in Toronto at 11pm, with customs to clear, baggage to claim, a car to obtain, and a drive to make (in an unfamiliar area in the dark), would mean we probably would get to Elizabeth's after 1am, which would be quite an imposition on her family, not to mention exhausting for us! Kenneth said he'd double-check the dates to make sure he had right what he had requested. He did, and then I checked Expedia again and found there was a reasonably priced flight option, with just 3 seats left, that left at 7am and arrived at 4:30pm. Well, that would still cut in some to Kenneth's shift, but it would probably be workable, and certainly would be a better prospect for a restful evening!

So, things are coming together, it's just some extra work this time around. At least I probably won't be trying to bring a dozen laptops this time around! I probably will bring three for Christie, assuming that's still allowed on flights these days. (The rules seem to change every few years.) I admit I had my doubts a few times along the way that the trip would work out this time, but now it seems that the big things are out of the way. We still have to get immunizations and visas, transfer some money to cover our part of the food, transportation, and lodging while we're there, figure out what to do about our dogs, garden, and vehicle, and all sorts of little things like that. By the way, I still need to raise about a thousand dollars for those things. If you would like to help toward the trip, you can do so by clicking here. And especially be in prayer for us as we gather to seek the Lord, that we be attentive to each other and to His Spirit, and know the next steps we should take so that our many years of work may best serve communities, giving sound, practical education that grounds the students' minds on Christ.

Saturday, March 30, 2019

CEO? Not this tired Mama.

Anthony told me all the way back in 2011 or so that he envisioned me someday becoming CEO of TEN3 and Christie being president. And he told me a few months ago, as we began planning the prayer meeting I mentioned in my last post, that change is one thing he is pretty sure needs to happen this year. I guess I was okay with it at the time; I didn't object anyway.

But as he started giving me memos for preparing to take leadership, I began feeling overwhelmed. Even though there really isn't that much to do for an organization with such a small core, I just didn't want to. "Are you sure about this?" I asked at one point. "Yes, unless God just really throws something unexpected at us." Well, soon after I gave him some news he didn't expect: I am having my second baby in October. I pointed out that I really won't have the time or mental availability for months after the baby comes for new responsibilities. He accepted that, but was soon suggesting that I could still be CEO if I could even give five "extremely focused" hours per week. "But I don't have focused time--I have a loosely managed schedule consisting mostly of wishful thinking!" I protested. Lately, I can barely sit for five minutes at a time to get anything done before my toddler is tugging insistently on me, sure to begin screaming if I don't give him my full attention. I used to get really focused time in when he slept, and reasonably focused time while his daddy played with him, but pregnancy has had me so tired I usually have to use those times to nap.

So instead of my usual ambitious nature, I've been longing to quit something--I feel like a hamster on a motorized wheel and no place to get off. No matter how much I try to work (whether at my jobs or domestic duties), I get little done, and no matter how much I try to rest, I never feel rested. But I really don't have anything that makes sense for me to quit. Family and church are absolute commitments. TEN3? Surely God didn't lead me to ten years of work with this team to give up now. Stare of Owls? That's my investment in hope of things getting better, for TEN3 and my family. Martial arts? Wouldn't I be even more tired and frazzled if I didn't have exercise and social time?

So I'm really hoping that all this discouragement is just the pregnancy fatigue and hormones talking. The first trimester is almost over, so maybe in a few weeks I'll have more energy and less emotional reactions. And then? I hope we see the Lord work in Zambia, showing us a clear path forward by which Christie, Collins, and Tukiko can advance the ministry in every way that is on their hearts. I hope Stare of Owls' app gets finished and quickly gains popularity, turning a profit that can bless us as workers and enable us to bless TEN3. I hope that by early 2020 I can get into a good rhythm, giving sufficient love and attention to both my children as well as regular focused time to my jobs. Please say a prayer for me, for all these hopes, because I feel very much "poured out like water" and want so much to see fruit come forth.

Thursday, January 17, 2019

"In Quietness and Trust"

It's been rather quiet in TEN3 lately. The ministry is still moving--Christie and her team have many endeavors they are working on, both with their own school and with various other schools in Nigeria, Tukiko told us they are preparing to open a second school in Bunda, TZ, and the Lord blessed us with the ability to ship about 80 laptops to Zambia for free. I am still working with editors on some literacy materials, and have quite a few projects still lined up to finish.

But we aren't starting anything new. Deliberately. No new projects in Curriculum. Consulting has put inquirers from three or four countries on hold. With Ken, our technology administrator and school consultant, preparing to retire, we will soon be down to four people: Jim, who prays and tells people about TEN3; Ray, who introduces new inquirers and mentors some of our African directors; and Anthony and me, who do everything else. Frankly, Anthony and I agree we can't do it anymore. Not like this.

We've been praying a long time for more people to come help us, and Maria, a long-time volunteer, has been approaching missions to try to get us some more help, but so far, we haven't had any takers. So we are seeking a face-to-face meeting with Christie, Tukiko, Collins, simply to pray about the direction TEN3 should take. Though Anthony and I already have our ideas of what needs to happen and what we would like to happen, we want to come in with open hearts, listening to our siblings as we ask, "Do you still share the vision? What do you want to accomplish? How can we help you do it with what we have to offer?"

We've always intended to hand over the leadership of the ministry to them. But this is not the situation in which we envisioned doing it. We planned to have a thriving training system, with certified teachers, administrators, and writers, with several clearly standing out as gifted and having been mentored with us for years. But our country directors don't have anybody who has completed certification. That's where I really question if the ministry can continue and thrive. And it's honestly scary to wonder if the vision we have so earnestly prayed over, rejoiced over, lost sleep over, and worked toward so hard for nine years (even longer for the rest of the team) believing God gave it to us, won't happen after all. That fear is exposing the worst in me, how much pride I still harbor, how little I trust God, even after so much.

And so, both this ministry and my life are in a state of quiet, waiting to see what direction all will take. What God has in store for TEN3, based on so many factors that we have tried to address and many we never saw coming. And what I will do in my own heart, if I will humble myself and trust Him come what may.

Pray for us.