I like to think I'm pretty fearless, at least when it comes to things I should be able to get my mind around. I am quite friendly with spiders. I've enjoyed shooting and martial arts classes. When I'm getting stuck with a needle, I watch with interest. I can speak to a crowd. I can go to a not-so-safe part of Africa with no anxiety greater than "did I get all my paperwork right?" I've subbed classes of sixth graders.
But I don't care for thrill rides. I'm not afraid of them; I'll get on them for the sake of socializing. I just don't like the feeling of g forces and adrenaline. Maybe it's from being prone to motion sickness.
That's sort of the feeling I get when life gets uncertain. I know God has a plan, and that He will work it out for the best if we trust and follow Him. But there's still that tightness in the stomach, the sense of strain.
Oswald Chambers (I believe; can't find the reference) said, "Huge waves that would frighten the ordinary swimmer produce a tremendous thrill for the surfer who has ridden them." Sometimes I get that. I can be excited about things that dismay a lot of people. But other times, I'm gritting my teeth.
TEN3 is looking at some rapid changes in the coming months. We will probably be losing some important personnel. I certainly can't say I feel good about it; I greatly value my colleagues and will miss working with them. And it also makes me wonder, we've been such a small and in some ways weak organization already, struggling to get things going … how will we continue?
Lord, teach me to so trust You that I can embrace every wave, knowing that though things may be lost, You will see us exactly where You want us. Teach me to recognize and trust Your hand in all the ways You work. Teach me to rejoice always, and pray without ceasing.