Travel plans coming together

International travel is always interesting; there's always sure to be something seem to go wrong and get you all nervous for a while! As our plans solidified for a face-to-face prayer meeting in Zambia this June with all our missionaries and national directors,and Rob our chaplain, to seek the Lord's direction for our ministry, this was already looking to be a different experience for me. First was the question, what to do about Nathanael? Leave him with his daddy? Take him with me? Take them both with me? Which would be worse, to take a toddler on probably 40 hours of flights, or leave him 12 days without his mama? If we took him, should we lap him or get him his own seat? We prayed about it, thought it over, and looked at what money was already available. Anthony told us there was enough ministry funds already to purchase the international tickets for the three of us, and with that, we decided that the three of us will go, so that the family could enjoy Kenneth's vacation time together, Kenneth can participate in the prayers and blessing of what God will do, and Nathanael wouldn't have to be without me. There was even enough to get Nathanael his own seat, which I was quite grateful for--while he'll still be under two years old, he is already as big, hungry, and squirmy as most two-year-olds.

Next, the itinerary was looking to be a pain. I've always had to book two separate tickets for my trips, because the travel agent cannot book me out of Lubbock. So I have to order a domestic flight to Dallas or Houston, usually picking up my bags and re-checking them to get to my international flight. But this itinerary was looking even more complicated because the route from Dallas to Lusaka involved an overnight in Dubai. Kenneth had heard some scary stories about tourists getting arrested in Dubai for the tiniest things, and even Pam, the travel agent, seemed pretty hesitant about the idea. She was working on itineraries for the whole team, giving us tentative ones with 48 hours to decide to book. Anthony wondered if we could get a domestic flight to JFK airport and join him and Nancy on their flight. (They live in western New York, about an hour from Buffalo.) We checked, but that would require an overnight in NYC, which would be extremely expensive, no doubt. Then he got an idea, "What about Toronto?" His daughter and her family live near Toronto, and that would be a fairly easy drive for them. "We could all crash at her place and fly out together from there," he suggested. Pam checked, and that was actually a couple hundred cheaper per ticket than what she had originally booked us.

So, we are flying to Canada first, staying the night, then to Amsterdam, then to Nairobi, then Lusaka. That means a twelve day trip: three days of travel, six days in Zambia, and then another three days of travel. It'll probably be rather grueling, but at least we'd get a rest in Toronto, I figured.

As soon as that was decided on, I looked up what we would need for the little guy's passport. Certified copy of his birth certificate. Ok, so I ordered that, and waited and waited. Turns out, Texas is incredibly slow with records requests. I ordered it on Feb. 13, and it finally came in on April 9th. So I hurriedly filled out and printed the online application, and we got the photo printed and the passport applied for this morning. They say it doesn't take longer than 6 weeks, so here's hoping, because after that we will still need to apply for the visas!

I was putting off buying the flights to Toronto until I had some more money raised, and then was rather dismayed when the Boeing 737 story broke. Sure enough ticket prices went up, though then when I saw I had been given several gifts, the prices were't nearly as bad as I feared. But, then there was another problem--it seemed all the flights either left at 6am, or arrived at 11pm. Leaving at 6am would mean we would have to leave the house by 4:30am, which would mean Kenneth would have to take an additional day off work, and his boss had already really stretched things to accommodate our trip. But arriving in Toronto at 11pm, with customs to clear, baggage to claim, a car to obtain, and a drive to make (in an unfamiliar area in the dark), would mean we probably would get to Elizabeth's after 1am, which would be quite an imposition on her family, not to mention exhausting for us! Kenneth said he'd double-check the dates to make sure he had right what he had requested. He did, and then I checked Expedia again and found there was a reasonably priced flight option, with just 3 seats left, that left at 7am and arrived at 4:30pm. Well, that would still cut in some to Kenneth's shift, but it would probably be workable, and certainly would be a better prospect for a restful evening!

So, things are coming together, it's just some extra work this time around. At least I probably won't be trying to bring a dozen laptops this time around! I probably will bring three for Christie, assuming that's still allowed on flights these days. (The rules seem to change every few years.) I admit I had my doubts a few times along the way that the trip would work out this time, but now it seems that the big things are out of the way. We still have to get immunizations and visas, transfer some money to cover our part of the food, transportation, and lodging while we're there, figure out what to do about our dogs, garden, and vehicle, and all sorts of little things like that. By the way, I still need to raise about a thousand dollars for those things. If you would like to help toward the trip, you can do so by clicking here. And especially be in prayer for us as we gather to seek the Lord, that we be attentive to each other and to His Spirit, and know the next steps we should take so that our many years of work may best serve communities, giving sound, practical education that grounds the students' minds on Christ.

CEO? Not this tired Mama.

Anthony told me all the way back in 2011 or so that he envisioned me someday becoming CEO of TEN3 and Christie being president. And he told me a few months ago, as we began planning the prayer meeting I mentioned in my last post, that change is one thing he is pretty sure needs to happen this year. I guess I was okay with it at the time; I didn't object anyway.

But as he started giving me memos for preparing to take leadership, I began feeling overwhelmed. Even though there really isn't that much to do for an organization with such a small core, I just didn't want to. "Are you sure about this?" I asked at one point. "Yes, unless God just really throws something unexpected at us." Well, soon after I gave him some news he didn't expect: I am having my second baby in October. I pointed out that I really won't have the time or mental availability for months after the baby comes for new responsibilities. He accepted that, but was soon suggesting that I could still be CEO if I could even give five "extremely focused" hours per week. "But I don't have focused time--I have a loosely managed schedule consisting mostly of wishful thinking!" I protested. Lately, I can barely sit for five minutes at a time to get anything done before my toddler is tugging insistently on me, sure to begin screaming if I don't give him my full attention. I used to get really focused time in when he slept, and reasonably focused time while his daddy played with him, but pregnancy has had me so tired I usually have to use those times to nap.

So instead of my usual ambitious nature, I've been longing to quit something--I feel like a hamster on a motorized wheel and no place to get off. No matter how much I try to work (whether at my jobs or domestic duties), I get little done, and no matter how much I try to rest, I never feel rested. But I really don't have anything that makes sense for me to quit. Family and church are absolute commitments. TEN3? Surely God didn't lead me to ten years of work with this team to give up now. Stare of Owls? That's my investment in hope of things getting better, for TEN3 and my family. Martial arts? Wouldn't I be even more tired and frazzled if I didn't have exercise and social time?

So I'm really hoping that all this discouragement is just the pregnancy fatigue and hormones talking. The first trimester is almost over, so maybe in a few weeks I'll have more energy and less emotional reactions. And then? I hope we see the Lord work in Zambia, showing us a clear path forward by which Christie, Collins, and Tukiko can advance the ministry in every way that is on their hearts. I hope Stare of Owls' app gets finished and quickly gains popularity, turning a profit that can bless us as workers and enable us to bless TEN3. I hope that by early 2020 I can get into a good rhythm, giving sufficient love and attention to both my children as well as regular focused time to my jobs. Please say a prayer for me, for all these hopes, because I feel very much "poured out like water" and want so much to see fruit come forth.

"In Quietness and Trust"

It's been rather quiet in TEN3 lately. The ministry is still moving--Christie and her team have many endeavors they are working on, both with their own school and with various other schools in Nigeria, Tukiko told us they are preparing to open a second school in Bunda, TZ, and the Lord blessed us with the ability to ship about 80 laptops to Zambia for free. I am still working with editors on some literacy materials, and have quite a few projects still lined up to finish.

But we aren't starting anything new. Deliberately. No new projects in Curriculum. Consulting has put inquirers from three or four countries on hold. With Ken, our technology administrator and school consultant, preparing to retire, we will soon be down to four people: Jim, who prays and tells people about TEN3; Ray, who introduces new inquirers and mentors some of our African directors; and Anthony and me, who do everything else. Frankly, Anthony and I agree we can't do it anymore. Not like this.

We've been praying a long time for more people to come help us, and Maria, a long-time volunteer, has been approaching missions to try to get us some more help, but so far, we haven't had any takers. So we are seeking a face-to-face meeting with Christie, Tukiko, Collins, simply to pray about the direction TEN3 should take. Though Anthony and I already have our ideas of what needs to happen and what we would like to happen, we want to come in with open hearts, listening to our siblings as we ask, "Do you still share the vision? What do you want to accomplish? How can we help you do it with what we have to offer?"

We've always intended to hand over the leadership of the ministry to them. But this is not the situation in which we envisioned doing it. We planned to have a thriving training system, with certified teachers, administrators, and writers, with several clearly standing out as gifted and having been mentored with us for years. But our country directors don't have anybody who has completed certification. That's where I really question if the ministry can continue and thrive. And it's honestly scary to wonder if the vision we have so earnestly prayed over, rejoiced over, lost sleep over, and worked toward so hard for nine years (even longer for the rest of the team) believing God gave it to us, won't happen after all. That fear is exposing the worst in me, how much pride I still harbor, how little I trust God, even after so much.

And so, both this ministry and my life are in a state of quiet, waiting to see what direction all will take. What God has in store for TEN3, based on so many factors that we have tried to address and many we never saw coming. And what I will do in my own heart, if I will humble myself and trust Him come what may.

Pray for us.

Launching something new

As I posted a few weeks ago, I have a second job with a start-up technology company, which we are hoping will help us personally keep afloat to continue the ministry, and also to help with certain things that TEN3 needs. Our first contract is doing the tech support for a school in western New York. Our second venture has been developing an app. It's just taking the idea of a student info system that has been available for a long time and making it accessible to a huge market that heretofore hasn't even considered it an option, adding a few features that they find valuable. We so far have 50 institutions interested in it, each of which we estimate, if they sign on, would bring us about 300 customers each. And if all goes well, that will be just the beginning.

Programming, testing, tweaking, and writing help for the app has taken a huge chunk of time. We are a few weeks behind when we hoped to release the first version, but today we announced the first release. There will certainly be tweaks to be made and bugs to iron out, and we have a long list of things we want to improve for the next version.

I'm kind of nervous. Will this side business, with the money and attraction it brings, and the example it makes of GUTS, be the last piece that we need to see our ministry reach as many people with the long-term impact we've always prayed for? Will it be yet another scrap in our pile of failed opportunities? Will it change the direction of our ministry, for good or ill?

Stay tuned.

A Texas house, a Nigerian house, and God's glorious house

There are a lot of things I like about my house. The living room, with its ambient lighting and built-in bookshelves. The built-in storage cabinets in the bathroom and two of the bedrooms. The view off the back porch. But there are a lot of things I find myself wishing it had. A basement, both for tornado safety and to store the stuff for my husband's projects and experiments out of sight. Plumbing that doesn't leak and windows that aren't drafty. And that it were rodent-proof!

This is my dear colleague's house, provided by their church where her husband pastors, when I visited in 2016. It's a duplex, so she, her husband, and her two younger boys (her oldest is at college) live in half of this. She told me about the time they had to go buy all their water because a dead animal contaminated their well.

Now they've been asked to move to another church, in a part of the city that is notorious for drug-addicted youth. She hasn't seen her new house yet, but in a poorer community, she's preparing for it to be smaller and with fewer amenities than what she has now. She wrote, "Some people have been sympathizing with us, thinking it is not fair to move us to such a place, but where else can God display His power? We want to make Jesus known through people and places people despise. Please, pray for us, we have promised God that even if we will live in a manger as long as it is His work and He is the one leading us, we will do it. Humanly speaking, our flesh long for good things of life, e.g., good house, car, clothes, etc., but it is not about us, but Christ. 'Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fail and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.' Habakkuk 3:17-18"

She convicts me so much that I worry about my temporary home, when we are working each day on our eternal home in the Kingdom of God, where fire will test the quality of each one's work (1 Cor. 3:12-15). Lord, make me as faithful as this daughter of Yours.

Not for my sake

When I first joined TEN3 nine years ago, we were a bustling team of six missionaries, one missionary-in-training, about a dozen heavily involved volunteers and many more lightly involved volunteers. We were preparing to continue growing our central team as we branched into Africa nad the Carribean, looking to have 350 affiliate schools and to be the largest publishing house for Africa. By the end of this year, we will be down to three part-time missionaries and our church networker, and a handful of volunteers who help with specific duties. Anthony asked us how we feel about that. Ken, who will retire this year and has been with TEN3 since near the beginning, reflected wistfully that he didn't know. Our team started strong, and stayed strong for a long time, but somehow in recent years, we've steadily lost people faster than we can add them.

My thought was, maybe this is, after all, exactly what was supposed to happen. TEN3 was always supposed to be an African organization, with a handful of missionaries supplying key areas of labor, resources, and perspective until the African members are ready to take full ownership. Well, Nigeria, Zambia, and Tanzania are forming and training their teams to do this ministry, and it's really now or never. If they persevere in their training and get others involved in learning and implementing the TEN3 model, then Anthony and I will continue consulting in a supporting role for them. I may yet end up asked to live in Africa for a while to work with teachers on our 5-area degree that we've planned for years, or on a primary school curriculum based on transformational principles. We will rejoice to see them take off with their knowledge and disciplines, and grow this ministry in ways we could not even have envisioned.

And if not?

Anthony admitted that he would have a hard time if he reaches the end of his life having seen no results of his decades of hard work. But he acknowledged that has been the lot of countless missionaries--fruit may well have come of their work, but often it's happened decades after their death.

Me? Well, I'm still only 31 and have plenty of other things I want to do with my life. So I'd have little cause to grieve for myself, though I certainly would regret to see all the potential that I still believe is in God's people in Africa wasted.

But Christie ... oh, Christie. She wasn't in that part of this meeting, which I'm thankful for. It's for her sake that I can't bear the idea of failure. In the last twenty years she has invested thousands of hours in passionate prayer, in meetings, in logistics and speaking and record-keeping, hours away from her family, several times ill, rarely rested. She's pressed on running a computer school on an electric grid that is sometimes off for ten days at a time, through skyrocketing fuel prices, through regulatory hoops that multiply like hydra heads. She persevered when terrorist attacks were making everyone afraid to leave their homes in her city, and traveled through even more dangerous parts of the country. She's put untold amounts of her own family's low income toward her ministry expenses. She's kept on through betrayal of people she's discipled, who not only left the ministry but falsely accused her and stole from her, and through times when we her partners have been insensitive to her struggles.

She does all this because she believes that this is what God has for Africa, that through Christ-centered education, her people can overcome the rampant systemic problems in their country, build systems with integrity that make a better world for her children, and send the Gospel forth powerfully to those still in darkness.

Lord, I think I can bear seeing no fruit from nine years' service. But please let Christie see it and know she has not labored and sacrificed in vain. Do it not for me, but for her. Do it not for her, but for the people You are calling to Yourself in Africa. Do it not for Your people, but for the sake of Your name.

A separate endeavor we pray will supply needs in TEN3

Back when I worked for the education professor at a community college, she would show her students The Freedom Writers' Diary. The scene in which Erin Gruwell's husband bemoans her choice to "get another job to pay for your job" has always stuck with me because that's just the sort of thing I'm prone to do. I blogged about doing that back in 2012. I was very thankful to be able to simplify when I became fully supported in late 2013. But times changed again this past year, such that about the time my son was born, I was reduced to about half of what I was making before (which was already substantially less than someone with my position and experience would expect). I sent out several appeals for more support, and some extra came in, but not near what I needed. I began looking seriously into getting a technical writing job on the side to help make ends meet at home.

Instead, I find myself helping with a start-up LLC. This is ironic, because I've never considered myself much of a risk-taker. In any game involving risk choices, I consistently go for the middle of the road. I do, however, take risks when I consider it part of a picture bigger than the possible failure. So how did this come about?

Anthony's brother Mike is involved in a start-up company that has something to do with using smart phones to do MRIs. He asked Anthony if he could do the DevOps, because he wanted someone he could trust. Well, Anthony admitted he doesn't have the skill set for that, but, given how good the pay is for work like that, he wondered if he could get together a team with the requisite skill set. He especially wanted me and Kenneth on the team because he knew we needed a boost. And surprisingly, just the right team came together of people technically skilled in different areas, who all love the Lord and trust Anthony. We had some meetings, prayed together, got advice, and decided, "Sure, let's start a technology consulting company." (The name is still under extensive, sometimes silly, discussion!)

Well, in a strange twist, we got out-bid of the job at Mike's company (not his choice). But we had already put together some ideas of products and services that we can see being in high demand, and sensed, well, the Lord had led us together wanting to do this for a reason, so we might as well keep at it and see what happens.

There are a few other lines of reasoning as well. For one thing, Ken, TEN3's technology officer, is retiring this year. If we don't find a replacement, we will need this company to keep TEN3's online office running. For another, as I mentioned above, several of us are struggling personally with finances, and TEN3 as an organization seldom has money to speak of. Our many years of efforts at fundraising almost always fall short of what would be considered a proper operating budget. So maybe, if we can't raise enough money, it's time to try making it. For another, one of the programs we've been recently requested to do is godly entrepreneurial education, which we could speak to much better if we had successfully done it ourselves. And finally, we would love to be a witness for Christ by developing creative solutions, offering them with integrity, and using the profits to advance His Kingdom. Our desire comes down to a quote from John Wesley: "Earn all you can, save all you can, give all you can."

Are we crazy to be putting our extra time and mental effort into a for-profit company? Shouldn't we do something "safe" if we're going to do a side endeavor? Maybe. But this does seem to be what the Lord led us to, and our best chance to meet TEN3's needs and stay afloat. Please pray for the company's success and for the Lord to provide all that TEN3 needs.