When I was in Zambia in 2013, the leader of the youth ministry that hosted us asked each of us to share a word with his students. I wasn't exactly prepared--even years into missions, I wasn't used to being asked to preach/minister/advise on the spot, even though it's common on my trips. So I don't think I communicated it very well, as I got pretty blank expressions, but the point I tried to share was that the big decisions, the pivotal moments of your life to do great things for God, really matter a lot less than you think.
The last time that I felt like I had a big decision I was torn about and needed to hear from God was where to go to college. The more I've matured in my walk with Him, the less the big things have felt like decisions at all. More and more at each each crossroad, there would be only one way that made sense to who I was. Every chance I had to date someone in those early years, either the chance would close desipe my efforts, or the man just didn't fit what I knew would be best for me as one who would bring me closer to God. When I graduated, with career and grad school options galore, the only thing I could picture myself doing (besides having a family, which as I just said wasn't working out) was missions. When I found TEN3, I had very little deliberation about joining because it so well fit everything I had developed a passion for and everything I was good at. Even though Kenneth in so many ways did not fit what I was sure I wanted in a husband, I still think back convinced I couldn't NOT have married him, because I saw that, to become the person God wants me to be, I need him.
That's not to say I didn't agonize many times over whether I was right, and pray for God to show me if I wasn't. I certainly didn't always like the implications I knew would come out of the decisions I was making. But the way always was an inevitability coming from the desires I had inculcated.
Which brings me back to the point I was trying to make to the Zambian kids years ago. The big crossroads don't matter so much because they are determined by the little decisions you make when it doesn't seem to matter. The things you fill your mind with, the people you spend your time with, the mercy you give or withhold, and especially the time you spend praying, will always determine the big choices you will make later. I remember John Randles once explained that our spiritual lives are like a bank account, and in the dialog when Peter said he would die with Jesus and Jesus replied that he was about to deny him three times, Jesus was telling him, "You haven't made the deposits for that kind of withdrawal."
Another way to put it may be that how you perform in your time of testing will be determined by how dedicated you were to self-sacrifice when you were comfortable. I am humbled and reminded all the more how I must fill my mind and my time, for surely every regret I will ever have will come from lack of prayer.
